A Spring Reset (Without the Overwhelm)

Today’s newsletter isn’t about events. It’s a personal update…just a quick check-in on how things have been feeling lately. If you’re not interested in reading about that, just skip this one and look for the next one this Thursday.

There’s nothing more frustrating than getting stuck in that in-between space—between what was, what is, and what comes next. That’s where I found myself this winter.

Somewhere along the way, things slowed down more than I expected. I felt less connected, less motivated, and not quite like myself. The momentum I had with this newsletter stalled, and it became harder to show up the way I wanted to.

I’m glad we’ve reached the spring equinox. Not much has changed yet. It’s still cold, and I’m still struggling with motivation. But the clocks have shifted forward, and each day brings a little more light. That’s been enough to keep me trying.

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March 20th marked the first day of spring, which means the seasons finally changed. With that shift, I want to reflect on last winter.

This winter felt heavy…much heavier than usual.

I started this newsletter to reconnect with Hanover and to make new friends. But lately it’s been challenging to stay connected. I’ve felt a pull to retreat. Like a strong gravitational force keeping me still. Maybe you felt it too. I think you have.

At first, I thought the stillness was a good thing… especially after the holidays. Everything moves so fast from Thanksgiving to New Year’s that slowing down feels necessary.

One minute you’re scrambling to finish last-minute Christmas shopping. The next, it’s New Year’s Eve, your living room looks like a bomb went off in your living room, and suddenly it’s January 18 and your tree is still up. (What…just me?)

Mid-January is when stillness is supposed to be a blessing, but this year was different. Things were slow on a personal level, but not on a global level. I don’t think anyone felt truly settled. And over time, that constant tension started to build, but we’ve been desensitized to it.

For better or worse, the last decade has prepared us for political turmoil. There were moments of panic and longer moments of grief, but this isn’t 2020. I knew that time will carry us through.

So I paused and waited for time to pass. But I think I forgot how to unpause. I got stuck. And then I lost all motivation to do anything. And it didn’t take long before I lost my desire to write.

I started to feel like I was losing everything I had worked so hard to build last year.

Like many people, I’ve experienced depression before…especially in the winter.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affects millions of people every year. And even more experience some version of the “winter blues.”

Side note, why they named it SAD is beyond me. Depression, at least for me, doesn’t always feel like sadness. It feels like emptiness. Like running on fumes. Like your body just… stops cooperating.

But this year felt different. I didn’t feel empty. I felt overwhelmed. Like everything was pressing in at once. At times it became suffocatingly heavy.

The weather and lack of sunlight played a role, but they weren’t the main issue. The constant stream of negativity from the news and from current events was taking a huge toll on me.

And after years of therapy and inner work, I’ve learned something simple: I can’t control what’s happening around me. I can only control how I respond to it.

But I had slipped back into reacting instead of responding. And that type of constantly negative reaction becomes automatic. It was so incredibly draining.

When I react to things outside of my control, I give away my power. I let the world decide how I feel. And when all I’m seeing is negativity, that’s all I end up feeling.

Instead of automatically reacting, I’ve been trying to respond more intentionally.

That means getting out of my head and back into the present moment. Movement helps. Mindfulness helps. Anything that brings me back to right now helps.

Reclaiming your power starts with accepting what is and letting go of the need to control everything around you (which never works anyway).

We waste so much energy on things we can’t control. Letting that go frees up more than you’d expect.

Getting unstuck doesn’t require a huge push. You just need enough energy to make small changes. Small changes make small wins, and small wins pile up into big rewards.

Give yourself some grace. You have to learn how to forgive yourself for your past choices and mistakes. If you fail to do this, those small changes are going to have a really hard time sticking. If you don’t forgive yourself, there’s going to be an unconscious part of you that feels resentful towards yourself. You’ll feel unworthy, and you’ll ultimately end up self-sabotaging.

Self-forgiveness has been so helpful for me….especially for the expectations I didn’t meet and the shame I carried through hard days.

I was worried I was going to fail at this like I’ve failed at other things.

That thought created shame. And that shame made it harder to show up.

But I’m not quitting.

And I’m not going to beat myself up for adjusting my pace based on my energy.

The season is shifting.

We’re coming out of winter.

We don’t have to sprint into spring. We can ease into it.

I don’t need to be fully back. I just need to start showing up again.

If you’re willing to share, I’d love to hear how your winter felt for you? And as we step into this next season, what are you ready to change?

XoXo - Megan